Barriers and Solutions
I advocate for children of polygamy because of my experience in polygamy as a child.
I had an awesome childhood as far as my family went. My parents were devoted to my well-being and I always had lots of friends to play with. There were plenty of adults to see to my needs. I knew I was the most important thing in my parents’ lives.
The hard parts started with the 1953 raid and the ensuing Vera Black case where the children were taken from their mother. My parents smuggled us into the canyons in a panic to preserve our family. As a three year old, I felt the fear and anxiety that rippled through the family. I understood that if the neighbors called the police, my dad would go to jail and we may never see our parents again. I had nightmares of my little sister and me hiding under the street in a culvert because policemen and firemen were coming to take us away. When I started having my own babies, I had nightmares of policemen coming to my door to take my babies.
My dad was arrested in 1955, but continued to appeal until 1959 when he went to the state prison for four years for unlawful cohabitation. While I attended public school, I felt different and unaccepted by others. I thought there must be something wrong with me if the people my teachers said were there to protect me would put my dad in jail because he took responsibility for me and my mother. He could have fathered me and abandoned my mother and no one would care. I felt betrayed every time we would study about American history, how it was founded on religious freedom, yet my father was in prison for his religious beliefs. He had harmed no one.
I am still, today, perplexed at the ongoing celebrations for cultural diversity that I see on the TV and yet my culture is still unprotected by the constitution and targeted for problems mainstream society faces every day.
There seems to be little or no consistency in government policy concerning the people of the polygamous culture, which leaves them vulnerable to anyone wishing to hurt them. They have been betrayed over and over again, so that there is no trust. (Think of a parent who consistently ignores or abuses a child because of that child’s peculiar personality. When they see the child’s injury, they tell the child they are just trying to help them be good. The child then creates defense mechanisms to protect itself, and never knows whom he can trust.)
Below are 6 barriers the state has created for polygamous families:
1. Unjust laws encourage public discrimination against people of this culture similar to the policy and procedures used on the Native Americans in the 19th century.
2. Polygamous families have been attacked, threatened, and forced into isolation for the past 150 years, leaving them vulnerable to perpetrators and predators of all kinds.
3. Prejudices and stereotypes concerning abuse and forced child marriages created by media are difficult to undo without a direct experience with individual families, and a good understanding of the culture.
4. When people from this culture ask for help, they are told they qualify for help when certain guidelines are followed, only to be threatened with criminal charges later.
5. Many have lost their jobs, customers, friends, educational opportunities, court battles, and housing when they are discovered.
6. Because DCFS has been used as a tool of oppression in the past either by well-meaning officials or individuals with a strong prejudice, many polygamous families perceive DCFS as posing a threat to their families.
I perceive 8 barriers Polygamists have created for themselves for receiving help when there is a legitimate problem:
1. They have held firmly to their faith and sacred covenants made for eternity even when it became illegal.
2. Some have become very skilled at hiding personal information to protect their families.
3. Most have taught their children to not talk about their family because of the risks of exposure and biases they have experienced in the past.
4. When abuse happens, it is often not reported for fear their religion will be used as a bludgeon or the father be incarcerated for polygamy. They do their best to handle it privately.
5. They’ve convinced themselves that if they just stay invisible, they can live in peace.
6. They believe their way of life is the best way to live, so they perpetuate it.
7. Some hold firmly to “old fashioned” family values and just don’t fit in to modern society in some ways.
8. When they feel attacked or are prosecuted for their religion, it strengthens their faith, and more children resolve to follow their parent’s example.
Finally, I invite you to consider the following 10 solutions:
• Encourage the legislature to decriminalize or redefine bigamy laws. This would be the most effective way to create enough safety to expose the true perpetrators who hide behind the religion.
• When answering a call, leave any personal biases against polygamy at the door. Treat them with the same respect you would want for your own family and your faith.
• Recognize hate rhetoric and media sensationalism for what it is; the media seeks out cultural extremes.
• Assume generally that the focus of polygamous families is their children and the family’s well being. ( In most communities the children are free to chose their own course whether or not to live the principle of plural marriage.)
• Form a team specifically trained in the dynamics of the polygamist culture, and provide consistency that will generate trust, or find a liaison you can trust from within the culture.
• Be sensitive to personal information that they may be hesitant to share.
• Both the polygamous communities and mainstream society need to respect cultural differences. Don’t be afraid to admit ignorance and ask for education when you don’t understand. Don’t make assumptions.
9. Agencies should develop liaisons within the polygamous communities.
Most individuals within the culture feel a great responsibility toward their children. I believe when the history of fear and mistrust is overcome, they would be very supportive of any organization established for the protection and help of children. They want their children to be safe. Most polygamous families are large and there is usually someone the child is familiar with that is willing to help the family and other agencies in working together.
Principle Voices of Polygamy will be encouraging people from our culture to be more involved in whatever capacity we are able to for the safety and welfare of all children.
Created by Linda Kelsch 2004
for the Child Welfare Institute
